Surrender

"He must become greater; I must become less" John 3:30

This last week this is the verse that has been ringing in my head. It's one that I have often become tied up in, lingering on the words "He...greater; I...less", letting them melt over me. I have asked God how do I do this? How do I make you greater and me less? Show me how, I need to do this right...I want to do this right! (I still have to fight off perfectionism)

God spoke to me through song, as He often does...

"Sit enthroned upon my heart, with everything You are
Come live Your life in me, reign supremely
I'm not just giving You my sin, but everything within
Come take control and make me holy"*

And then there were those words...

"reign supremely...
I'm not just giving you my sin, but everything within..."

That's how my daughter, that's how. Give me everything.

Sin, hurt, joy, anger, relief, sick, well, cranky, happy, sad, hope, anxiety, tears, laughter, worry, excitement.

EVERYTHING

Plans, hopes, dreams, goals,  burdens, thoughts, ideas. insecurities.

EVERYTHING

Until there is nothing left in me....until it has been poured out to the One who created it! The One who knows the beginning and the end of my story. The One who is writing my story. The One who loves me and wants to know me. The One who has given me a new life in Him!

And so another song is placed on my heart,

Make me broken
So I can be healed
‘Cause I’m so calloused
And now I can’t feel
I want to run to You
With heart wide open
Make me broken

Make empty
So I can be filled
‘Cause I’m still holding
Onto my will
And I’m completed
When you are with me
Make me empty

[Chorus:]
‘Til You are my one desire
‘Til You are my one true love
‘Til You are my breath, my everything
Lord, please keep making me

Make me lonely
So I can be Yours
‘Til I want no one
More than You, Lord
‘Cause in the darkness
I know You will hold me
Make me lonely*

Oh what an incredible journey it has been this last week. To lay it before the One who knows what to do with it! There is no better place! There is a freedom like none I have ever known. There is a hope I have never dared jump into. There is a peace and comfort I have never felt. Praise God!

I challenge you. I challenge you to give it all to the One who waits for you, loves you, wants you. The One who calls you by name, the One who knew you before you were formed and formed you. The One who will show you how glorious it is to make Him more and you less.


(*Sit Enthroned-Mary Vorrath/ Keep Making Me-Sidewalk Prophets)

Free Indeed...

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" John 8:36

Never more than right in this moment have these life giving words set my soul on fire! I am free...free indeed! God is the great deliverer, mighty warrior, prince of peace, great counselor, my souls desire and He has delivered me from my pit of despair.

Last week was hard and felt dark. Just like our current weather, the sorrow poured down like rain...continuing to a threatening flood and I felt like I was drowning.  I called to the Lord and He answered.

I called to the Lord and He answered!

He always answers! Oh what a glorious truth!!!

The details of my life situation have not changed. But my God is an awesome God. He answers when I call, He will answer when you call.

He is the giver of life. He has given me life, He will give you life.

He is the great provider. He has provided for me, He will provide for you.

Offer it up....call it out...shout it out...yell it out if you want to, God can take it. Pour yourself out to a mighty God who wants to fill you with His perfect self.

I love you, Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

    my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,

    my shield[b] and the horn[c] of my salvation, my stronghold.

I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,

and I have been saved from my enemies.

 

The cords of death entangled me;

    the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.

 

The cords of the grave coiled around me;

    the snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called to the Lord;

    I cried to my God for help.

From his temple he heard my voice;

    my cry came before him, into his ears.

 

The earth trembled and quaked,

    and the foundations of the mountains shook;

    they trembled because he was angry.

 

Smoke rose from his nostrils;

    consuming fire came from his mouth,

    burning coals blazed out of it.

 

He parted the heavens and came down;

    dark clouds were under his feet.

 

He mounted the cherubim and flew;

    he soared on the wings of the wind.

 

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—

    the dark rain clouds of the sky.

 

Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,

    with hailstones and bolts of lightning.

 

The Lord thundered from heaven;

    the voice of the Most High resounded.[d]

 

He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,

    with great bolts of lightning he routed them. 

The valleys of the sea were exposed

    and the foundations of the earth laid bare

at your rebuke, Lord,

    at the blast of breath from your nostrils.

He reached down from on high and took hold of me;

    he drew me out of deep waters.

 

He rescued me from my powerful enemy,

    from my foes, who were too strong for me.

 

They confronted me in the day of my disaster,

    but the Lord was my support.

 

He brought me out into a spacious place;

    he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Psalm 18:1-19

Excuse me Job...is there room for me?

I feel like the hits keep coming. My cries to God have been like this "my cheeks hurt God!" in reference to Luke 6:28-29a "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek turn to them the other also" When will it end. I think of Job a lot, talk about one hit after another. While my situation is different from Job, the hits still hurt. Like a punch in the stomach. I have had the wind knocked out of me so many times I have lost count.

Now, I don't tell you this to pity me, I do tell you this to pray for me.

I want you to know that I love Jesus and life still gets the best of me. Pain is very real, heartache is very real, weakness is very real...BUT I know my God is very real.

So in a moment of utter pain and sorrow with uncontrollable sobbing I shouted out to My God, WHEN WILL THIS END?!

This is what He revealed.

I am God and I love you. I can fully understand your pain, hurt, anger. Be quiet...listen. Follow me. I am working....this is good and it will be good. Have hope. Cling to me and I will show you the way to go, you don't have to do this alone---I am with you, I want to take care of you.

And this is the song He played for me:

I've been doing all that I can
To hold it all together
Piece by piece.
I've been feeling like a failure,
Trying to be braver
Than I could ever be.
It's just not me.

So be my healer, be my comfort, be my peace.
Cause I can be broken, I can be needy,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.

I've been living like an orphan,
Trying to belong here,
But it's just not my home.
I've been holding on so tightly,
To all the things that I think
Could satisfy my soul.
But I'm letting go...

So be my father, my mighty warrior, be my king.
Cause I can be scattered, frail and shattered,
Lord I need You now to be,
Be my God, so I can just be me.

Cause I was lost in this dark world
Until I was finally found in You
So now I'm needing, desperately pleading
Oh Lord, be all to me

And be my savior, be my lifeline, won't You be my everything.
Cause I'm so tired of trying to be someone
I was never meant to be
Be my God
Please be my God
Be my God
So I can just be me
So I can just be me
I can just be me.--Laura Story